Need help if you are struggling to to conceive?

Struggling to conceive?

With all the pressures, hopes and expectations of women today, you may have spent years actively making sure you do not conceive. Many women are zooming through their prime child-bearing years with thoughts of career, travel, romance, money, mortgages…… their only thoughts on conception are remembering to take the pill and hoping to keep their periods regular so that they can plan their social life more effectively.

Then at some point her body clock begins ticking louder and louder until strong new feelings seep through every pore, a new longing, a new desire to hold her own baby. Gone is the desire for a full throttle lifestyle and in its place is such an inner longing, a desperate yearning to fulfil her true role, to become a mother.

And yet for many women, that decision to become pregnant does not always translate into reality. Consciously she decides that now would be a good time to become pregnant but for many reasons her body does not seem to get the message and month after month go by without the outcome she craves. She may then spend hours searching the internet on how to get pregnant and it will throw up all kinds of physical factors such as having regular sex (duh!), eat a healthy diet, reduce weight, take vitamins, monitor ovulation, reduce caffeine…..

However, what most articles and websites seem to miss, is that your body does not work in a purely physical way. Yes all those things are important BUT they are missing a cruicial factor – your thoughts, fears and emotions are all inextricably linked with your physical functions. In fact our emotions, memories and thoughts are all stored within our body and are interconnected with every physical function. Take a moment to think of something that made you sad, an event in the past…. then notice where you are “feeling” it right now. The chances are it is somewhere in your body and NOT in your mind.

Even though you may consciously feel now is a good time to get pregnant, there may also be a whole host of subconscious reasons which are holding you back. There may be issues and fears which you have not really faced up to or even ones that you may not be aware of.

- Issues and concerns related to your own childhood, your parents, your perception of their love
- Your feelings about your own ability as a mother
- Concerns over how becoming a mother will change you, your lifestyle, your relationships, your sense of self, your place in the world.
- Feelings about your body, your sexuality,
- Your ability to cope with pregnancy and childbirth
- Material issues such as coping financially, the size of your house, car, mortgage.
- All of these can act as blocks to giving your body “permission” to conceive.

So something which may appear as “physical”, such as conceiving a child, is actually heavily influenced by a woman’s thoughts, emotions and fears. I am sure you have heard of examples where a couple have tried to conceive for many years and then finally give up and decide to adopt, or to go on holiday and then hey presto they get pregnant. What was different? Did her body suddenly change, did his sperm suddenly get more powerful? Usually it is when the mental thoughts and fears are put aside and she is no longer holding herself back or “trying” to get pregnant.

Changing words can change feelings

Simply the language we use to ourselves as well as others, can have a huge impact on our physical responses – if you think of the word “trying”, what does that actually mean? It implies putting in a lot of effort… but without much success. Take out the word “trying” and suddenly things become lighter, feel more positive, more empowering, more successful – so instead of “trying to get pregnant” how about “preparing to get pregnant” or “getting ready to conceive”. This message will be received far more positively by the body than just “trying”. Think of the title to this blog – struggling to conceive. How does the word “struggling” make you feel? Again change that to “preparing to conceive” and see how that makes you feel. It may sound a bit pedantic but feeling more positive about the process is a small step in the right direction.

I know this may sound a bit hippy dippy, but a great start is to spend time meditating and turning inwards, by actively giving your body permission to conceive, telling your inner self that it is OK to get pregnant, that now everything that is important is in place and it is OK to welcome a baby into your body.

Ways to use your mind to improve your chances of conceiving

Taking time out to really understand and evaluate your feelings is the first step towards preparing yourself to conceive.

1. Write down a list of anything that you are worried about or that might be a mental or emotional blocker, no matter how trivial you think it may be.

2. Once you are aware of them - and you may be surprised at what comes out, spend time relaxing and then thinking about each one in turn acknowledging that up until now, it has played an important role

3.Then imagine letting them go - imagine tying each one to a balloon and watch it float away, or imagine dropping them down a well, or putting them on a white fluffy cloud - as crazy as that may sound, after you have consciously "let them go" you will begin to feel different

4. If you have trouble letting go, ask yourself how keeping that thought is helpful or beneficial to you. Then focus on dealing with the answer to that question. It is quite possible that this is your subconscious’ way of protecting yourself by preventing you from getting pregnant. If this is really challenging it may be useful to seek the help of a therapist.